My Boy

Dear Ryder,

my sweet boy, it has taken me months to have the courage and strength to sit down and write this letter to you. and despite waiting those months, tears have already swelled in my eyes on the first sentence. 7 months since we had to let you go and 7 months of missing you every single day.you came into my life at the most difficult time.. i had the brilliant idea of getting a puppy in the winter and while i was smack in the middle of PA school.. and you surely gave me a run for my money. i’ll never forget bringing you home and your sister mya actually didn’t bite your head off like i imagined would happen. and then i brought you outside in the snow and you pooped right away (and grunted as you did it which was the cutest thing ever). and i thought, ‘wow this puppy is going to be so easy to potty train.’welp, i was wrong! you peed and pooped everywhere but outside for what felt like months! but you were just a little ball of fur.. and no matter how many times you had accidents in the house, i could never get mad at you!as you grew up, you became powerful and strong and majestic. and my protector and companion. before we moved in with dad, i never went to bed afraid because i knew if someone tried to break in, they didn’t stand a chance against you. until your last days, you slept beside my bed and made me feel safe.

you and mya became best friends and despite how much she wanted her personal space, you always made sure to get as close as you possibly could, preferable with paws touching.

and then little riley came along and you became the three musketeers.. inseparable. you were stubborn and sassy and always getting into mischief! you made sure to lay on the couch when you weren’t supposed to, chase the chickens around the yard (and one time pull out a bunch of feathers!), eat a whole bag of halloween candy and an entire rotisserie chicken (bones and all), bark like a lunatic, scratch doors and chew up blinds.. but you always made us laugh.i could hardly get you outside to pee in the summer but as soon as winter came along you were in your happy place. the more snow the better.. you’d bury your face in it, sprint up and down the yard and eventually rest on top of the biggest pile you could find. this time of year is most difficult with you gone.. i don’t think i’ll ever see snow again and not think of you.but somewhere along the way, something happened to you that neither us nor the vet could figure out. randomly you would become unpredictable and lash out.. to the point where we were afraid of you. i’m not sure if you were suffering inside but we could not live with fear of you harming us.

after making the most difficult decision of our entire lives, dad and i took you for the biggest ice cream we could find, a walk through the woods and finally had to say goodbye.. one of the hardest goodbyes we’ll ever need to say.

a day doesn’t pass where i don’t think of you.. and we never go on a walk without one of the girls stopping to sniff the spot you always marked..i once read this quote.. “they should come with a warning label these creatures. they should come with a label that says you’re going to fall hopelessly in love, only to have your heart shattered before you could ever possibly prepare.” i don’t think i’ve read anything more true than that. an eternity would not have been long enough with you and our time together were tragically cut short.

now i imagine you spend your days running through snow, eating all your favorite treats and taking lots of naps.. this is how i hope to always remember you.

i hope you know how much joy and laughter you brought your family.. how wonderful it was to be greeted by you after a long day of work.. and just how much you are missed. we were lucky to have had such a loyal dog and our memories together will last a lifetime. i love you buddy.. and you will be forever missed.

One comment

  1. With tear filled eyes I read your blog. You are a great mom and Ryder knewit felt it enjoyed it. Something went wrong but you stop the pain perhaps in him for sure in others. He was a protector just like his mom a protector. In time you will remember the beauty of him only. Love you

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